"Helping" victims of child abuse
By
Rado Vleugel
The March 23, 1992 letter to all bodies of elders
in the United States teaches elders how to help sexual abuse victims.
Although they certainly want to help these victims it must be said
that their method is not always in the best interest of the victim.
Most times a female victim of sexual abuse want to
talk about her experience with another woman. But this is not possible
if she is abused by a member of the congregation. The letter writes:
"If an abuse victim accuses a member
of the Christian congregation of having molested her, then it
would not be appropriate for a sister to become involved in this
aspect of the matter. It is best for the victim to be assisted
by the elders. "
Of course this is very hard for a female victim. When
you are abused by a man it's very understandable that you won't
talk about this with a body of male elders.
Below is the complete letter:
WATCHTOWER BIBLE AND TRACT SOCIETY OF NEW YORK, INC.
25 COLUMBIA HEIGHTS. BROOKLYN. NEW YORK 11201. USA PHONE (718) 625-3600
March 23, 1992
TO ALL BODIES 0F ELDERS
Dear Brothers:
After the recent Kingdom Ministry School, the
Society received many expressions of appreciation from you brothers
for the fine instruction presented. Indeed, not only did the school
remind us of the privilege we have as elders but it provided us
with practical direction on how to care properly for our many responsibilities.
As elders, you certainly have much to do keeping
your families spiritually strong, studying and preparing for meetings,
caring for judicial matters, working at assemblies and conventions.
Some of you willingly expend yourselves in building and maintaining
Kingdom Halls and even in doing construction work at Bethel or on
branch projects. And all of this is in addition to your taking the
lead in the field ministry.
Your work in shepherding God's people is also
very much needed and deeply appreciated. (1 Pet. 5:1-3) We often
receive reports of your hard work in giving spiritual encouragement
and personal attention to the needs of individual members of the
congregation, some of whom are experiencing very serious problems.
This is true of many who have been victims of child abuse. They
also need our loving understanding and help. Many of these, even
after learning the truth, continue to suffer emotional scars and
must cope with unhappy memories. The Kingdom Ministry School drew
attention to some of the things that the Bible and the Society's
publications show that you, as spiritual shepherds, can do to help
such victims. We would like to review some of these points and others
with you. We also hope to answer various questions that you have
asked about meeting the needs of such victims of child abuse, particularly
those sexually abused.
HELPING VICTIMS OF CHILD ABUSE
Many children who have been continually
violated by adults grow up with severe emotional scars and certainly
need much loving attention. Thus, you will want to be conscious
of treating such victims of abuse with much thoughtfulness and kindness.
(See Pay Attention to Yourselves and to All the Flock page
17.) Such an attitude helps to assure the victim that you really
care for him and that you are "like a hiding place from the
wind and a place of concealment from the rainstorm." (Isa.
32:2) Like Jesus, we should be "tenderly compassionate."-Eph.4:32.
One way you can show sincere interest is by being a good listener.
James counseled: "Every man must be swift about hearing; slow
about speaking." (Jas. 1:19) Further, Proverbs 21:13 says:
"As for anyone stopping up his ear from the complaining cry
of the lowly one, he himself also will call and not be answered."
So as patient spiritual counselors, listen carefully when a victim's
problem is being discussed. The October 1, 1983, issue of The
Watchtower on page 28, cautions against telling a sufferer who
seeks assistance "just to forget" what occurred. Many
have found great relief simply in talking with a sympathetic, nonjudgmental
elder who can provide "the good word" of encouragement.
(Prov. 12:25) Though you may need to ask tactful questions to help
the victim express matters, avoid probing unnecessarily or repeatedly
into the details of the abuse, which can have a discouraging effect.
Many victims of abuse have learned to handle their
emotional scars quite well, which is commendable. If the victim
is leading a calm and peaceful life, then there is no need to dredge
up memories that have been handled and put in the past. Others can
be helped to put this problem to rest. On the other hand, there
are still others, as described at Psalm 55 : 17, who 'cannot but
show concern and moan' over their turmoil. In such cases, it may
be very difficult for them to heal completely. Still, we want to
help such ones feel that there is hope. By reasoning on the Scriptures
and strengthening the victim with words of consolation and encouragement,
elders may be able to help such troubled ones put the bad experiences
behind them.-Job 16:5; 1 Pet. 5:12.
BALANCING YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES
It must be recognized that the time you can spend in helping
an abuse victim is limited. Therefore, this shepherding responsibility
must be balanced with your other responsibilities, which include
caring for the spiritual, emotional, and material needs of your
own family and assisting those in the congregation who have other
problems. In some cases an incest survivor wants more attention
than you can give. So some elders have found it beneficial to put
boundaries, or some limits, on the time they spend. Depending on
the individual's need, it may take several visits to get the desired
relief for the victim, if this is possible. If the individual approaches
you looking for help at times when you cannot discuss the problem
extensively, perhaps giving some brief words of encouragement assuring
that one of Jehovah's love, reading an appropriate scripture, or
offering a short prayer, will affirm to the sufferer your interest
and willingness to help to the extent possible. Sometimes abuse
victims approach capable older sisters for help. It is understood
that a sister should not be in the awkward position of trying to
help in a situation that would appropriately be cared for by an
elder, but the sister can give victims emotional support and encouragement
as her circumstances and time allow. (See the March 15, 1990, issue
of The Watch- tower.. page 28.) If the sister is approached
by a child-abuse victim and endeavors to help her, she should periodically
let the elders know what is being accomplished. If an abuse victim
accuses a member of the Christian congregation of having molested
her, then it would not be appropriate for a sister to become involved
in this aspect of the matter. It is best for the victim to be assisted
by the elders.
Just as good judgment is needed in selecting
brothers to serve on a judicial committee, depending on what is
involved, so, too, it would be wise to select among yourselves those
best fitted to assist certain abuse victims. Since elders have varied
abilities, some may be more effective than others in handling these
cases. -Compare 1 Corinthians 12:4.
WHAT ABOUT PROFESSIONAL THERAPY?
There are times when an emotionally distressed Christian may seek
professional help. Whether or not a brother or a sister pursues
treatment from psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists is a
personal decision as long as the therapy does not conflict with
Bible principles. (See The Watchtower of April 15, 1975,
pages 255-6.) Potential problems may be avoided if a patient, or
a companion, explains to the therapist the importance of the sufferer's
religious beliefs.
Some medical professionals and therapists offer
group therapy to those suffering from the effects of child abuse.
While participating in group therapy by a professional therapist
is a personal decision, there could be problems of revealing confidential
facts about other members of the Christian congregation during such
therapy if a Christian does not exercise discretion. (See July 8,
1982, issue of Awake!.. page 8.) Thus, elders can give cautions
to their brothers and sisters, such as those outlined in the October
15, 1988, issue of The Watchtower.. page 29, under the subheading
"Talk Therapies." They can be helped to see that talking
indiscriminately to others about child abuse may result in circulating
damaging and harmful talk.-Prov. 17:9.
It must be recognized that elders as such are
not mental-health professionals or therapists but are spiritual
shepherds. (1 Pet. 5:2) Consequently, they should not conduct sessions
where victims have come together for what some may view as group
therapy. Nor should elders spend time reading secular publications
dealing with worldly psychology or psychiatry. They should not take
on a role similar to that of a professional therapist. Someone who
has a serious mental or emotional illness may need professional
help.
If a current case of child abuse comes to light
in your congregation, elders should do what they can to protect
children from further abuse. (See "Pay Attention to Yourselves
and to All the Flock" page 93.) How might this be accomplished?
In the Addendum presented at the Kingdom Ministry School, direction
was given that when elders receive reports of physical or sexual
abuse of a child, they should contact the Society immediately for
legal advice. Thereafter, if it is established that a member of
the congregation is guilty of sexually abusing a child, a judicial
committee would meet with this one, following theocratic procedures.
If the person is not repentant over the gross sin, disfellowshipping
action would be warranted. Additionally, elders can encourage parents
to review the January 22, 1985, issue of Awake! which provides
suggestions on what they can do to protect their children from sexual
abuse by anyone, inside or outside the family .-See also Awake!
issues of June 22, 1982, and December 22, 1986.
Hopefully, the above direction will assist you
brothers lovingly to help victims of abuse, as well as others in
the con- gregation who face different problems. May Jehovah's rich
blessing continue to be with you in carrying out your many responsibilities
as shepherds of the flock. With this letter we send our warm Christian
love and best wishes.
Your brothers,WTBS
p .s. The presiding overseer should arrange to
read this letter to the body of elders. Thereafter, the secretary
should place it in the congregation file. In the future if elders
are called upon to assist a victim of child abuse, this letter should
be reviewed by them.
A copy of the information "What Elders Can
Say to Abuse Victims," which appears on the following page,
may be made for each elder .
WHAT ELDERS CAN SAY TO ABUSE VICTIMS
The apostle Paul said to "speak
consolingly to the depressed souls." (1 Thess. 5:14) So, in
line with James 5:13-15, elders want to use God's Word in helping
victims to heal, as stressed in The Watchtower of April 1,
1990, pages 13 and 14, paragraphs 12-14, under the subheading "The
Bible's Counsel-Uniquely Wise." In addition, becoming well
acquainted with fine Bible-based articles in The Watchtower and
Awake! is also vital. In fact, one of the reasons for the
articles on sexual abuse in the October 8, 1991, issue of Awake!
was to aid elders in giving more effective Scriptural assistance
to abuse victims. The response, as described in the April 8, 1992,
Awake! shows how effective and acceptable these articles
proved to be to the victims. The article "Help for the Victims
of Incest" in the October 1, 1983, issue of The Watchtower
explains that victims often are filled with shame, anger, and
frequently an overwhelming sense of guilt because of such abuse.
Thus, strive to help such ones see that they were not at fault;
they were being victimized.
Help such ones to see that their worth as individuals is not diminished
by the shameful way they were treated. The important thing is how
Jehovah views them. By means of the ransom sacrifice, Jehovah purchased
such ones with the "precious blood" of Jesus. (1 Pet.
1:19) Surely, if Jehovah paid such a price, he must love them dearly
as he loves all who put their faith in that valuable shed blood.
(John 3:16) Jehovah considers desirable all of the "great crowd,"
who have "washed their robes and made them white in the blood
of the Lamb." Despite any past abuse, they now have a clean
standing as God's friends and are assured that "God will wipe
out every tear from their eyes." He is not insensitive to their
suffering but will help them heal their emotional scars as they
call upon him in faith. He guarantees to heal the wounds completely
in the future. -Rev. 7:9,14,17; Isa. 65:17; Hag. 2:7; see "Will
You Benefit From Undeserved Kindness?" in the February 15,
1990, issue of The Watchtower.
By earnest prayer and by considering upbuilding,
wholesome things, the excelling peace of God will guard the heart
and mental powers of these ones. (Phil. 4:6-9) Remind them of the
value of keeping their mind on maintaining fine works. When followed,
this divine counsel can be most beneficial, enabling them to move
forward and find joy. (Titus 3:8) When an individual fills his mind
with the many lovable things in God's Word, he is strengthened and
refreshed. (Ps. 19:7, 8, 14) Not only can this lessen the pain of
any past abuse but it can also restore one's spiritual health.
In some instances, emotional pains of this nature
simply have to be endured. Yet, such endurance produces "an
approved condition." (Rom. 5:3-5) As "the Father of tender
mercies and the God of all comfort," Jehovah promises to give
us sufficient strength so that we are not overwhelmed by grief.
(2 Cor. 1:3, 4) The apostle Paul contended with "a thorn in
the flesh." Although this made it harder for him to carry out
his ministry, he was able to endure faithfully with the strength
provided by Jehovah. (2 Cor. 12:7-10) Today, too, a depressed person
needs to keep as active as he can with field service, meeting attendance,
and close association with the congregation.
(With thanks to Silentlambs)
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